Gran Torino

Watched Gran Torino this past weekend, which I thought was pretty good. Loved Clint Eastwood in it. But what will I remember most about the movie? Me, on the couch, crying into a tissue. (See previous post, Cry Me a River.)

Cry Me a River

One of the transformations about me since having Peyton (other than my jelly belly) is that I cry over the smallest things. This is very uncharacteristic of me because when I told a friend this, she looked at me and said, “Hello? Is this my friend that I’ve known for how many years? Wait — you?!”

It started when I finally saw the Sex and the City movie. I bawled when Big didn’t show up at the church. “What’s wrong with me?!” I said to myself.

Then I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and started tearing. Then crying into my sleeve. The hub just stared at me like I was crazy. “It’s an episode about a sick little girl!” I told him. I thought it was my new found empathy for children and mothers.

But then it started happening with every episode. Sad or happy — I cried. When Meredith looked lovingly at Derek, I cried. When Alex was losing Izzie, I cried. I cried when I saw a Gatorade commercial about athletic accomplishment.

At first I thought maybe it was the hormones adjusting. But it’s been over a year now and I get teary just seeing baby pictures. Not even of Peyton. ANY baby! I used to laugh all the time at my mom when I was younger and she cried her eyes out just like I do now watching TV.  Oh, dear.

One Year

Peyton turned one today. I can’t believe it! It’s gone by so fast. Everyone said it would and I didn’t ever imagine we would reach this stage.

I can’t believe the changes either. He’s walking and blabbering. He’ll bring me a book when he wants me to read to him. He can climb and descend the stairs on his knees. He will laugh his head off when we do silly things. These are all great milestones! Then there’s also the times he cries when we take something away or say “no.” He throws “tantrums” when he doesn’t get his way. He throws his food on the floor when he’s not interested. Sometimes I wish we could go back!

Today was a great day for a first birthday. Peyton took a 2 hour nap  (a rarity!). The hub and I took off work early, picked up Peyton, and went to dinner. Peyton ate really well (semi-rarity!). We came home and he shoved a chocolate cupcake in his mouth. Then a nice bath and off to bed. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Returning to Normal

I have talked to many of my friends about the recovery after having a baby and they have all told me that it surprised them how long it takes. Now, I am not talking about the weight gain, but “down there.” Even though Nicole Kidman was back to a skinny stick two weeks later, I am pretty sure she was still recovering in other places.

When I talked to my friends, the first thing I said was, “Why didn’t you freakin’ tell me about the recovery?” Many said they didn’t want to scare me. Well, I was already pregnant, not like I could go back! I cannot stress how much I wished someone had told me about the recovery. (I still have to finish my post with details about the recovery immediately after labor.)

At four months, I saw a friend who had her baby five days before I had Peyton. I told her she looked great. “It’s been hard,” she said. We commiserated over the loose skin on our bellies. “Man,” she said. “The worst are my breasts. I mean, they are jacked up.”

And recently, I was discussing about losing the weight with Yoga Mama, who also mentioned that it took her five months to feel normal. So, it’s a very common reality but no one seems to talk about it. We have all these books about pregnancy and then it seems to stop there. No advice or help about after labor — definitely the time when you need the most help and have a lot of questions!

Uh-Oh!

Peyton is nearing his toddler years, which makes me sad because I truly enjoyed him as a baby (especially from five-eight months — prior to him crawling like a fiend). I am amazed at how much he’s grown and I have to start reminding myself that he’s a little person now who can start understanding me.

Now, I talk to him all the time, asking him how his day was after I pick him up from daycare.  When I feed him, I’ll point to myself and say, “Mama.” He usually just stares at me blankly. Yesterday, as we walked into the house, I dropped something and said, “Uh-oh.” Peyton looked down and said, “Uh-oh.” I did a double-take.

“Uh-oh,” I said again.

“Uh-oh,” he repeated. Then he didn’t do it again.

A few minutes later, he said it while he was playing. When the hub came home, I declared, “Peyton said his first word!!!” Peyton said it several times last night at dinner (I got it on videotape) and after his bath. Then he greeted me this morning from his crib with, “Uh-oh!”

It’s pretty adorable. But like the hub said, “Yeah, until he starts saying it all the damn time and we get sick of it.” Or — as I realized today in the car driving in traffic — until he starts repeating everything we say and we have to REALLY watch what we say.

On Being a Working Mom

I’m sorry that I’ve neglected the blog. It’s not that it hasn’t been on my mind, but since Peyton has gotten older, I find that I have less time. A lot of people said it gets easier (after they’re newborns) but I don’t entirely agree with that.

Peyton no longer takes long 2 hour naps. He has dropped the later afternoon one and now naps twice a day for 45 mins-1hour. Never longer. So, it’s hard to do anything productive during that short time. He’s also crawling like a fiend and hates to be confined (screams every time we put him in the high chair). I’m pretty sure he’s going to walk early, much to our dismay.

We have mixed feelings about his progress. Excitement at the new possiblities (walking = fun outside) but also feeling unprepared (walking = more energy to keep up). I also miss being able to hold him in my arms without him squirming out. He’s growing out of the baby stage and it makes me very sad. Now I truly understand why people have more than one child!

In past few months, lots of developments with the little guy. He’s still fairly big for his age and eats A LOT. He’s on to real food and usually enjoys ravioli, meat balls, cheese, and — his favorite — bread. It’s really cute watching him eat. Even though he only has his 2 bottom teeth, he does fairly well gumming everything. (He also likes to steal food from other babies at daycare.)

My life as a mother has been ever changing. I understood that motherhood would change me, but a recent experience has showed me how much.

Scratch That

I know I said that I think I could have another baby –

But then I took a look last night of my pregnant belly photos and the end was appalling. I forgot how my belly hung over like a sack of potatoes and the veins bulged out. Did I mention how BIG my belly was? Absoutely. Appalling.

8 months

Peyton turned eight months this week and he’s reached so many milestones.

He started crawling about two weeks ago and loves to try and pull himself up. His two bottom teeth are budding — leading to many days and nights of wailing and crankiness. (Motrin is our BFF right now.) He’s gumming Graduates Puffs and loving it. Best of all, he laughs quite easily, smiles a lot, claps his hands, loves bath time, and babbles constantly.

And amazingly, pregnancy amnesia has set in. While I remember that labor/recovery was painful and hard, the fun that I get from my son really does blur the memories of child birth. In fact, one day, as Peyton laughed and babbled, I said to the hub, “I think I can have another one.”

His jaw dropped. “Whaaaa–?” he said. “Did you hear that, Peyton? Maybe you’ll have a brother or sister!”

After the second, I’m pretty sure we’ll be done. I’m not crazy enough to have three, or EIGHT!

Scary Tweens

Wow, if this doesn’t make you scared, I don’t know what does…

Mommy Brain…

I have long heard about “mommy brain.” I heard it was slightly better than “pregnancy brain,” but I would probably never go back to my former self. This morning, I had the prime mommy brain scenario.

I have received many compliments lately about my weight loss — many people thinking that I am back to my pre-pregnancy size. No, I inform them, I still have several pounds to go. People tell me I should just lie anyway. My boss even told me that he thought I lost a “tremendous” amount of weight and I would waste away. This goes to show you how big I got. My big problem is the “muffin top.” After a month break from pilates, I noticed the muffin top got worse. (Thank goodness the new session starts tomorrow!)

Although determined to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again soon, I only fit into one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans and my maternity pants are too big now. I started to get pretty sick of wearing pants that I had to leave unbuttoned. My sister gave me a bunch of her “big” pants now that she’s lost a lot of weight, but she’s two inches shorter than me and the pants may pass as capris in the summer, so I can’t wear them now. So I bought a pair of pants this past weekend — to my dismay — two sizes bigger. But I told myself no one else was going to see the size.

When I came in this morning, my boss commented, “Oh, you got new pants.” I thought, wow, they must look good on me if my boss noticed!

I said, “Why, yes, I did!”

He replied, “Yeah, the sticker is still stuck on the back of your left leg.”

Oh. And my new size in bold, white numbers too. I ripped the sticker off and muttered, “I had to get new pants — I’m too fat for my old ones.”

Thankfully, I came straight to work today instead of stopping for coffee.