On Being a Working Mom

I’m sorry that I’ve neglected the blog. It’s not that it hasn’t been on my mind, but since Peyton has gotten older, I find that I have less time. A lot of people said it gets easier (after they’re newborns) but I don’t entirely agree with that.

Peyton no longer takes long 2 hour naps. He has dropped the later afternoon one and now naps twice a day for 45 mins-1hour. Never longer. So, it’s hard to do anything productive during that short time. He’s also crawling like a fiend and hates to be confined (screams every time we put him in the high chair). I’m pretty sure he’s going to walk early, much to our dismay.

We have mixed feelings about his progress. Excitement at the new possiblities (walking = fun outside) but also feeling unprepared (walking = more energy to keep up). I also miss being able to hold him in my arms without him squirming out. He’s growing out of the baby stage and it makes me very sad. Now I truly understand why people have more than one child!

In past few months, lots of developments with the little guy. He’s still fairly big for his age and eats A LOT. He’s on to real food and usually enjoys ravioli, meat balls, cheese, and — his favorite — bread. It’s really cute watching him eat. Even though he only has his 2 bottom teeth, he does fairly well gumming everything. (He also likes to steal food from other babies at daycare.)

My life as a mother has been ever changing. I understood that motherhood would change me, but a recent experience has showed me how much.

I always considered myself an ambitious career person, but I stayed in my current job because I liked my boss a lot and it provided a lot of flexibility with Peyton although the work bored me. In January, on a whim, I applied for a high profile federal job. Part of me I think wanted to know if I still had it. Part of me didn’t even expect to get it.

But I did. I went in for the interview and I got the offer. I was definitely mixed. This new job meant a longer commute and hours. It also meant more money, stability, and interesting work under an exciting administration. So I took it. I wasn’t unhappy at my old job, but I thought this was probably the best thing for my family in the long-term.

After the second day, I regretted it. It wasn’t the job or my new boss, it was the change. I certainly advise new moms not to make big changes in the first year. I can’t tell you how depressed I was during my first week. Here I was doing exciting work and really glad to have a good boss who was just as good as my last one — but missing out on time with my baby. Peyton was always the last one picked up at daycare. I only got 10 mins with him in the AM before I rushed out of the house and 1 hour at night before he went to bed. I felt like I wasn’t enjoying life at all and was running around all the time. I cried a lot. I now understood when people say before you know it, they’re teenagers. I didn’t really want to live that life.

The job itself also entailed a few things that I hadn’t anticipated, including late-night email monitoring and web work — sometimes creeping into the weekend. As a parent of a young child, this was unrealistic because Peyton gets up at 6 AM no matter if I’ve had 3 hours of sleep or 8!

So, I resigned and returned to my old job. It wasn’t lost on me that I had this great federal job that lots of people competed for. But the timing wasn’t right. I may kick myself later on, but right now, this was the best decision. My old boss was estatic and I know how lucky I am to have that choice. I think I really needed to do this in order for me to realize that I’m not the same person that I was before.

This experience has also taught me that being a working mom is freaking tough. The choices that we moms have to make in this country due to lack of federal support makes it even harder. The truth is it doesn’t have to be that way at all.

I’ve also learned that being a mom isn’t black/white. We all make choices — difficult ones — for the sake of our family. Moms who stay home, moms who work — there are reasons behind them and they’re all tough.

Now my commute is back to 12 mins, I get to see Peyton off in the AM before Dad takes him into daycare, and my baby isn’t the last one picked up at the end of the day. And I get to sneak in a walk with him before dinner and bed time. Maybe I’m making less and maybe the work isn’t high profile, but I’ve never been happier.