Gran Torino

Watched Gran Torino this past weekend, which I thought was pretty good. Loved Clint Eastwood in it. But what will I remember most about the movie? Me, on the couch, crying into a tissue. (See previous post, Cry Me a River.)

Cry Me a River

One of the transformations about me since having Peyton (other than my jelly belly) is that I cry over the smallest things. This is very uncharacteristic of me because when I told a friend this, she looked at me and said, “Hello? Is this my friend that I’ve known for how many years? Wait — you?!”

It started when I finally saw the Sex and the City movie. I bawled when Big didn’t show up at the church. “What’s wrong with me?!” I said to myself.

Then I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and started tearing. Then crying into my sleeve. The hub just stared at me like I was crazy. “It’s an episode about a sick little girl!” I told him. I thought it was my new found empathy for children and mothers.

But then it started happening with every episode. Sad or happy — I cried. When Meredith looked lovingly at Derek, I cried. When Alex was losing Izzie, I cried. I cried when I saw a Gatorade commercial about athletic accomplishment.

At first I thought maybe it was the hormones adjusting. But it’s been over a year now and I get teary just seeing baby pictures. Not even of Peyton. ANY baby! I used to laugh all the time at my mom when I was younger and she cried her eyes out just like I do now watching TV.  Oh, dear.

Returning to Normal

I have talked to many of my friends about the recovery after having a baby and they have all told me that it surprised them how long it takes. Now, I am not talking about the weight gain, but “down there.” Even though Nicole Kidman was back to a skinny stick two weeks later, I am pretty sure she was still recovering in other places.

When I talked to my friends, the first thing I said was, “Why didn’t you freakin’ tell me about the recovery?” Many said they didn’t want to scare me. Well, I was already pregnant, not like I could go back! I cannot stress how much I wished someone had told me about the recovery. (I still have to finish my post with details about the recovery immediately after labor.)

At four months, I saw a friend who had her baby five days before I had Peyton. I told her she looked great. “It’s been hard,” she said. We commiserated over the loose skin on our bellies. “Man,” she said. “The worst are my breasts. I mean, they are jacked up.”

And recently, I was discussing about losing the weight with Yoga Mama, who also mentioned that it took her five months to feel normal. So, it’s a very common reality but no one seems to talk about it. We have all these books about pregnancy and then it seems to stop there. No advice or help about after labor — definitely the time when you need the most help and have a lot of questions!

On Being a Working Mom

I’m sorry that I’ve neglected the blog. It’s not that it hasn’t been on my mind, but since Peyton has gotten older, I find that I have less time. A lot of people said it gets easier (after they’re newborns) but I don’t entirely agree with that.

Peyton no longer takes long 2 hour naps. He has dropped the later afternoon one and now naps twice a day for 45 mins-1hour. Never longer. So, it’s hard to do anything productive during that short time. He’s also crawling like a fiend and hates to be confined (screams every time we put him in the high chair). I’m pretty sure he’s going to walk early, much to our dismay.

We have mixed feelings about his progress. Excitement at the new possiblities (walking = fun outside) but also feeling unprepared (walking = more energy to keep up). I also miss being able to hold him in my arms without him squirming out. He’s growing out of the baby stage and it makes me very sad. Now I truly understand why people have more than one child!

In past few months, lots of developments with the little guy. He’s still fairly big for his age and eats A LOT. He’s on to real food and usually enjoys ravioli, meat balls, cheese, and — his favorite — bread. It’s really cute watching him eat. Even though he only has his 2 bottom teeth, he does fairly well gumming everything. (He also likes to steal food from other babies at daycare.)

My life as a mother has been ever changing. I understood that motherhood would change me, but a recent experience has showed me how much.

Scratch That

I know I said that I think I could have another baby –

But then I took a look last night of my pregnant belly photos and the end was appalling. I forgot how my belly hung over like a sack of potatoes and the veins bulged out. Did I mention how BIG my belly was? Absoutely. Appalling.

8 months

Peyton turned eight months this week and he’s reached so many milestones.

He started crawling about two weeks ago and loves to try and pull himself up. His two bottom teeth are budding — leading to many days and nights of wailing and crankiness. (Motrin is our BFF right now.) He’s gumming Graduates Puffs and loving it. Best of all, he laughs quite easily, smiles a lot, claps his hands, loves bath time, and babbles constantly.

And amazingly, pregnancy amnesia has set in. While I remember that labor/recovery was painful and hard, the fun that I get from my son really does blur the memories of child birth. In fact, one day, as Peyton laughed and babbled, I said to the hub, “I think I can have another one.”

His jaw dropped. “Whaaaa–?” he said. “Did you hear that, Peyton? Maybe you’ll have a brother or sister!”

After the second, I’m pretty sure we’ll be done. I’m not crazy enough to have three, or EIGHT!

Mommy Brain…

I have long heard about “mommy brain.” I heard it was slightly better than “pregnancy brain,” but I would probably never go back to my former self. This morning, I had the prime mommy brain scenario.

I have received many compliments lately about my weight loss — many people thinking that I am back to my pre-pregnancy size. No, I inform them, I still have several pounds to go. People tell me I should just lie anyway. My boss even told me that he thought I lost a “tremendous” amount of weight and I would waste away. This goes to show you how big I got. My big problem is the “muffin top.” After a month break from pilates, I noticed the muffin top got worse. (Thank goodness the new session starts tomorrow!)

Although determined to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again soon, I only fit into one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans and my maternity pants are too big now. I started to get pretty sick of wearing pants that I had to leave unbuttoned. My sister gave me a bunch of her “big” pants now that she’s lost a lot of weight, but she’s two inches shorter than me and the pants may pass as capris in the summer, so I can’t wear them now. So I bought a pair of pants this past weekend — to my dismay — two sizes bigger. But I told myself no one else was going to see the size.

When I came in this morning, my boss commented, “Oh, you got new pants.” I thought, wow, they must look good on me if my boss noticed!

I said, “Why, yes, I did!”

He replied, “Yeah, the sticker is still stuck on the back of your left leg.”

Oh. And my new size in bold, white numbers too. I ripped the sticker off and muttered, “I had to get new pants — I’m too fat for my old ones.”

Thankfully, I came straight to work today instead of stopping for coffee.

Memories…

This past weekend, we walked by BoConcept, a store we would have visited pre-parenthood.

“That store is for people without kids,” the hub said.

“Yup, it certainly is,” I said.

How things have changed!

(Meanwhile, we’re thinking of getting leather sofas for the living room because our current ones are ridden with so many spit-up stains.)

First New Year

We returned from our holiday trip intact and fairly untraumatized. We gave the little tyke some Benadryl before leaving DC and he slept for about an hour. Then we fed him and played, and he was in a very good mood. Just as we were preparing going down into Dallas, he fussed a little and fell asleep. He did have a hard time the first night sleeping at my sister’s because I suspect he didn’t know where he was. But we didn’t hold him to sleep, so he did some crying, which worked out great because he can pretty much fall asleep now on his own when we put him down to sleep. (Well, until the NEXT cold/illness.) On the return flight, we Benadryled him up again and he slept for an hour — quite soundly. He was in a pretty good mood when he woke up, but as we started to descend, he started screaming because of the pressure in the ears. I could feel it myself. Thankfully, there were three other babies on board, so we weren’t the only ones. Peyton fell asleep close to landing. That’s the good thing about letting him cry it out — he gets really tired!

The thing that traumatized us the most during our trip was the incessant whining emitted by my nephews. Not just one — but three! Man, if it wasn’t one thing, it was something else and someone always cried/fought/questioned. I asked the hub to get a vasectomy as soon as we returned home. (People always ask why it took us so long to have kids… this is why.)

I’ve never really been one to be big on New Year. I’ve never had resolutions. To me, it’s just another day.

But 2009 brings many new things. New President! (Big YAY!) Baby’s first new year. (He was in bed by 6:30 PM.) This is also first new year that the hub and I didn’t stay up to kiss each other when the clock struck midnight.  The hub wanted to try, but I said, “Sleep is so precious now.” He couldn’t argue with that. (Both in bed by 10:30 PM — even that’s a little late for us!)

And this morning, it appears that Peyton is cutting his first teeth (bottom front). He’s really growing up! (And cranky!)

Happy new year!

The Parenthood Diet

I did not have the fortune to lose all my baby weight like everyone says they do when they breastfeed. At first, I was very upset when at three months post-partum, I still couldn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I had go buy a few bigger tops when I returned to work. Then I read it can take a year. Even more depressing.

Slowly, but surely, the weight slipped off. One week, I lost about six pounds, which I attributed to the lack of time to snack and eat, and the long stroller walks that I would take with Peyton. I certainly wasn’t working out!

Then I hit a bit of a plateau because with the cold weather I wasn’t taking as many strolls with Peyton. Just as I was lamenting this — as luck would have it — Peyton gave me a stomach virus. I lost seven pounds from that (but gained back three). I told my coworker this once I returned to work and she asked me to lick her soda can before she drank it.

Now that I’m back at work, I’m able to have a decent lunch. But then I leave around 2pm to pick up Peyton, and I pretty much don’t eat until 7pm. This is probably not very good either, but it has helped me keep my weight down.

Two weeks after the stomach virus, I got — what I think — was the flu. I was in bed for two days and barely ate. This resulted in a loss of another three pounds.

While I am still some pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight — to my sheer delight — I actually fit into one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans.  All I need is one more illness courtesy of my son to get me to lose a few more pounds. Who needs South Beach? Just have a sick kid!