Returning to Normal

I have talked to many of my friends about the recovery after having a baby and they have all told me that it surprised them how long it takes. Now, I am not talking about the weight gain, but “down there.” Even though Nicole Kidman was back to a skinny stick two weeks later, I am pretty sure she was still recovering in other places.

When I talked to my friends, the first thing I said was, “Why didn’t you freakin’ tell me about the recovery?” Many said they didn’t want to scare me. Well, I was already pregnant, not like I could go back! I cannot stress how much I wished someone had told me about the recovery. (I still have to finish my post with details about the recovery immediately after labor.)

At four months, I saw a friend who had her baby five days before I had Peyton. I told her she looked great. “It’s been hard,” she said. We commiserated over the loose skin on our bellies. “Man,” she said. “The worst are my breasts. I mean, they are jacked up.”

And recently, I was discussing about losing the weight with Yoga Mama, who also mentioned that it took her five months to feel normal. So, it’s a very common reality but no one seems to talk about it. We have all these books about pregnancy and then it seems to stop there. No advice or help about after labor — definitely the time when you need the most help and have a lot of questions!

Mommy Brain…

I have long heard about “mommy brain.” I heard it was slightly better than “pregnancy brain,” but I would probably never go back to my former self. This morning, I had the prime mommy brain scenario.

I have received many compliments lately about my weight loss — many people thinking that I am back to my pre-pregnancy size. No, I inform them, I still have several pounds to go. People tell me I should just lie anyway. My boss even told me that he thought I lost a “tremendous” amount of weight and I would waste away. This goes to show you how big I got. My big problem is the “muffin top.” After a month break from pilates, I noticed the muffin top got worse. (Thank goodness the new session starts tomorrow!)

Although determined to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again soon, I only fit into one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans and my maternity pants are too big now. I started to get pretty sick of wearing pants that I had to leave unbuttoned. My sister gave me a bunch of her “big” pants now that she’s lost a lot of weight, but she’s two inches shorter than me and the pants may pass as capris in the summer, so I can’t wear them now. So I bought a pair of pants this past weekend — to my dismay — two sizes bigger. But I told myself no one else was going to see the size.

When I came in this morning, my boss commented, “Oh, you got new pants.” I thought, wow, they must look good on me if my boss noticed!

I said, “Why, yes, I did!”

He replied, “Yeah, the sticker is still stuck on the back of your left leg.”

Oh. And my new size in bold, white numbers too. I ripped the sticker off and muttered, “I had to get new pants — I’m too fat for my old ones.”

Thankfully, I came straight to work today instead of stopping for coffee.

Living With Excess

My cardio kickboxing instructor has seen my various body stages: pre-pregnancy, pregnancy (and majorly swollen), and — now — postpartum.  She always asks how Peyton is doing and we commiserate over being moms. She has two little ones herself.

Yesterday, she told me that I was looking good and believes that my working out while pregnant helped. (I’m not so sure about that myself.) I told her I still had a ways to go. Then she said, “Oh, you’ll lose the weight! The excess skin though…”

I had noticed the excess skin and have been putting on loads of body butter to keep it firm, hoping it will go back. My sister has shown me hers after losing a lot of weight, but I assumed it’s because she has three kids and had c-sections.

“No,” my instructor said. “The excess skin never goes away even after losing weight no matter how you delivered.”

Sometimes when I’m down and out about my changed body, I tell Peyton it’s all his fault. Usually he just smiles at me.

The Parenthood Diet

I did not have the fortune to lose all my baby weight like everyone says they do when they breastfeed. At first, I was very upset when at three months post-partum, I still couldn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I had go buy a few bigger tops when I returned to work. Then I read it can take a year. Even more depressing.

Slowly, but surely, the weight slipped off. One week, I lost about six pounds, which I attributed to the lack of time to snack and eat, and the long stroller walks that I would take with Peyton. I certainly wasn’t working out!

Then I hit a bit of a plateau because with the cold weather I wasn’t taking as many strolls with Peyton. Just as I was lamenting this — as luck would have it — Peyton gave me a stomach virus. I lost seven pounds from that (but gained back three). I told my coworker this once I returned to work and she asked me to lick her soda can before she drank it.

Now that I’m back at work, I’m able to have a decent lunch. But then I leave around 2pm to pick up Peyton, and I pretty much don’t eat until 7pm. This is probably not very good either, but it has helped me keep my weight down.

Two weeks after the stomach virus, I got — what I think — was the flu. I was in bed for two days and barely ate. This resulted in a loss of another three pounds.

While I am still some pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight — to my sheer delight — I actually fit into one pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans.  All I need is one more illness courtesy of my son to get me to lose a few more pounds. Who needs South Beach? Just have a sick kid!

Losing It

There are some things the books don’t tell you. But like I said when I started this blog, I’ll tell the truth about everything.

I knew I would lose some hair, and it’s started. I had read (and heard) that it’s because of all the hormones that hair doesn’t fall out during pregnancy, so many women experience luxurious hair. But then after having the baby, it’s catch up time, so a bunch of hair starts to fall out. First I noticed there was hair on the bathroom floor, which I hadn’t seen for nine months. I was prepared for this and hoping it wouldn’t be too bad. Then I noticed another type of hair: pubic hair.

Which makes sense. That’s another type of body hair and it’s true — I was plentiful “down there” but I couldn’t see my vajayjay for some time, so I had no idea how plentiful. And it suddenly dawned on me recently that I never saw any loose pubic hair in my bathroom or shower during my pregnancy. I guess that’s why some pregnant women continue with the brazilian waxes.

Anyway, I also recently noticed some in my underwear whenever I’d go to the bathroom. Then, the other night — while taking a shower and cleaning myself — many strands were in my hands. I couldn’t believe it! It was like a neverending fall out of pubic hair.

When I got out of the shower, I decided to look down there. If you’ve ever had a baby vaginally, you know how scary that is. When I was about two months postpartum, I talked to my friend about all the vajayjay recovery, she said, “No matter what, don’t look down there for awhile, okay? Just don’t.” I took that sage advice to heart and hadn’t looked. Until now.

Well, I partially looked. I was mystified by the pubic hair loss, so I looked and noticed that yes, there were “bald spots.” Hmm, I guess I don’t need to wax! Then I kinda went further and looked at the vajayjay. It. Didn’t. Look. The. Same.

My vajayjay is forever changed.

Sigh. Loss of hair. Check. Loss of taut skin. Check. Loss of former self. Check.

Thanks, Sis

A recent conversation with my sister:

“I noticed that your arms are still chunky in your photos,” she said. “You know, if you don’t lose your belly by the third month, you’ll probably have it forever.”

Um, thanks, sis. I’ll be sure to think of you when I go to my cardio kickboxing class.

Six Week Postpartum Check Up

Even though I had a nine pound baby come out of me, the thought of going to my six week post-partum check up freaked me out. I had asked a friend about it and she said, “Oh yeah, it’s a full pelvic exam. It’s not pleasant.” Maybe it was the thought of having that area prodded and poked again that made it uneasy. Maybe it was the thought that it would be painful and I wouldn’t have pain killers. I don’t know exactly, but it freaked. Me. Out.

First the nurse took my weight and although I knew I hadn’t lost all the baby weight, it was still depressing to see how much more weight I needed to lose. As a person who has never dieted, this is a new concept to me and I’m really not sure how I’m going to go back to my pre-baby weight. In another one of my delusions, I thought all the weight would be gone by now. After all, freakin’ 10 pounds of it was the baby!

The nurse asked me my baby’s name, birth date, gender, and his weight. “Oh, nine pounds four ounces,” she said when I told her. “Did you have a c-section?” “NO,” I replied. “Ooooh, wow, you go girl,” she said. She asked if I was having intercourse and I said, “Hell no.” Then she asked about birth control and I said, “Yeah, having a baby.”

Outta Whack

I had mentioned the BO in my last entry… well, I have never had BO in my life! I’m not just saying this — it’s true. So, you see, this new development has me taken aback. I’ve taken a shower and then still smell a little later, I know something’s wrong. I looked it up and, apparently, because my hormones are all over the place, it can cause BO! It can happen during pregnancy and afterwards. (Again, why didn’t any of the pregnancy books mention this?) Plus, you sweat a ton after having a baby (again, the hormones), which is what can cause the major BO. The thing is I’m allergic to antiperspirant! I have always been (gives me a terrible rash) and only use deodorant — which I have been using since this BO discovery — and it does NOTHING to mask the stink!

Speaking of my body being out of whack, here’s a list of aches and pains since labor:

• My abs are still sore from pushing so hard and long.
• The right side of my back is always hurting, mostly when I stand or sit too long. (I read it can be from my weak abs, so my back has to overcompensate.)
• My feet are still wide! (Not fat from swelling, but extended from the soft ligaments.) Now they really look like my mom’s duck feet. I hope they go back soon so I can wear my cute shoes again. (Of course, I could have fun getting new cute shoes…)
• My stomach is always making weird noises and I have no idea if it has returned to its lawful place.
• Sometimes if I walk too much, I get this weird stabbing pain in my right inner thigh.
• My fingers are still too fat for my wedding ring!
• And I can never sleep comfortably. I thought I would love sleeping on my back again, but it just feels weird now. I guess it’s just as well since I barely get any sleep anyway.