Thanks, Sis

A recent conversation with my sister:

“I noticed that your arms are still chunky in your photos,” she said. “You know, if you don’t lose your belly by the third month, you’ll probably have it forever.”

Um, thanks, sis. I’ll be sure to think of you when I go to my cardio kickboxing class.

Just Chillin’

Woke up this morning and didn’t have the cramping anymore. I had a couple of instances of shooting pain in my lower back this morning, but that was it.

Good news is my sister and nephew are leaving tomorrow. I still had to argue with her last night about not wanting to risk contaminating the baby. (“I won’t touch him!” she said.) But you just never know how careful you can be, right? Then she criticized the OB’s credentials saying, “I’m not contagious. How can she not know this? Makes me wonder about her… what kind of OB is that?” Uh, maybe the OB was just being cautious? BECAUSE IT’S A NEWBORN! But I digress… Plus I’d like to at least clean the house before the baby comes. It’s been a mess since they’ve arrived and I definitely can’t clean up after they leave once the baby’s here.

Last night, my sister AGAIN rambled on about the hooks in the baby’s bedroom. I seriously think she’s kinda crazy. Then this morning I had to hear her lecture me about using plastic containers, her horrible experiences with epidurals, how I don’t eat enough veggies and meat, and my choice with putting the baby in daycare when I go back to work. Plus she’ll give little jabs, like when I told her I had lost a pound and she said the scale must’ve been broken. I’ve gotten to the point where I want to shake her and tell her to shut-up!

I’m starting to realize that much of the stress she experiences, she puts on herself and that’s why she got shingles. She obsesses about the strangest things, but at the same time doesn’t mind creating clutter for me. I hate it when people use things and don’t put them back where they belong, and she keeps doing that!

Well, I’m glad they’re leaving tomorrow. The hub and I can enjoy ourselves one more time as DINKS before our lives are changed forever and ever.

Seriously…

So I went in for my non-stress test and to check the fluid… pretty routine, right? The hub was going to go back to work after the appointment and I was going to go home and do some work.

The dr (not my OB, but a specialist) checked the fluid on a sonogram and said it was normal, but on the lower end. Then he asked me if I had any contractions and if the baby had been moving. I said I had been getting the menstrual cramping pain since last night and I thought the baby had been moving fine. He pulled out the results from the non-stress test and said, “Well, it looks the baby’s heartbeat went down three times and as a precaution, you should go directly to labor and delivery.” “HUH?!” both the hub and I said. “Hahaha, yes, go get admitted and we’ll send over the paperwork. We don’t want to risk anything,” he told us. “But I’m being induced Monday,” I said. “Oh, well I guess it’s today! ” the dr said. He asked how far I was effaced and dilated and I told him. “Ah, you’re in good shape then!”

So the hub and I quickly walked to the hospital (which is right next to the dr’s office) and I was blubbering about all the things I had to do and whatnot. As we took the elevator up, we met another pregnant woman who was doing her labor breathing. “Are you OK?” I asked. “Yeah, it’s not so bad,” she said. She told me she was also supposed to be induced on Monday but her water broke in the morning and the contractions started. She seemed remarkably calm. Then we all walked over to get registered and the staff were stunned that two pregnant women were being admitted at the same time. One of them asked, “Are you here together?”

Shaddap You Face

The coworker who stalks me about my weight has said, “I can’t believe you’ve got two more months to go and are going to just get bigger,” pretty much every day or every other day. I’ve been feeling rather mean and hateful lately (the mood swings return), and pondered quite seriously at saying, “Well, at least I’m not permanently ugly like you are.”

Then she proceeded to tell me again about a friend of hers who tore and had to be reconstructed. She shuddered and said, “I can’t imagine having something come out of me.” I wanted to say, “No, of course not. Because you’re in your mid-40s, unmarried, alone, bitter, selfish, and the only pleasure you have is to smoke like a fiend ten times a day. You will never know what it’s like to put someone before yourself.”

My friend who’s also pregnant (and Korean) said she believes Asians don’t have a filter when it comes to pregnant people. I had mentioned to her the Korean waitress who asked me if I was nine months along and I said I was seven, and she told me I was huge. But I don’t think it’s just Asians. I think it’s just something that everyone feels they have the right to comment on. I especially don’t appreciate the comments from people who’ve never been pregnant because they don’t realize how hard it is and how sick we get from hearing the same comments over and over. It’s not like we pick at them on a daily basis about their sorry lives! I’m realizing that the women who’ve been recently pregnant are much more positive, telling me how great I look and how much I’m glowing. The women who’ve never been pregnant or who had children a long time ago are the ones who say the inappropriate things. Those are the ones who deserve a good kick in the ass!

Pregnancy = Retarded Questions

Questions I have received this week (and it’s only Wednesday!):

• How much weight did you gain?
• How much do you weigh?
• How much bigger can you get?
• Did you plan your pregnancy or was it an accident?
• Are you having twins? (You know who asked that one.)
• Did you want children?
• Are you due any day now?

There Oughta Be a Law Against In-Laws

Yesterday, we went to see my in-laws. The first thing my mother-in-law asked me was if I was having twins. Now, she knows we aren’t having twins. Why ask me that question? Because that’s her way of pointing out how big I am. Because that’s funny? There are plenty of flaws about her that I could point out to her — the majority of which are permanent, starting with her personality. But I digress.

But she couldn’t stop there. She had to tell me that I better work out after the baby to lose the weight. (This coming from a woman who couldn’t handle holding my 3-month-old niece.) I told her that I was actually still working out. Then she had to say, “Do you really think that’s wise? Do you think you should be doing that right now?”

Now, there is a reason why I don’t live near any of my family. Because they drove me crazy. So, I really don’t need another set to do the same. It’s bad enough that my mom nags me on the phone, but to bear this woman’s nagging in my face… I am beginning to think that there should be something besides a “babymoon” for pregnant women. More like “in-lawmoon” or “leave-me-the-f-alone-moon.”

The pregnant woman’s new mantra: SERENITY NOW!

Twenty-Eight Weeks

I am really getting sick of all the “big” comments. Yes, I know I’m BIG — I’m surrounded by mirrors, so is there really a need to tell me how BIG I am? Yes, I know I look pregnant — I’ve known it for the past six months! I think the pregnancy clothes give it away, don’t you think? I will only get bigger as I go into my last trimester and as my patience wanes, I will probably say something really mean to you the next time you mention how BIG I am. My piece of advice is don’t comment on a pregnant woman’s appearance other than to say she looks GOOD, CUTE, or GORGEOUS. (And if I ever made “big” comment to anyone in the past, I apologize profusely.)

Things are still chugging along from last week. I still feel pretty good and have been able to continue my fitness classes, which I’m happy about. Although today I noticed that my belly has grown quite a bit since Monday and I wonder if it’s the indulgences of the last few days (a nice dinner out, desserts, Chipotle, burger and fries …) .

I asked my acupuncturist about the pain in the left side of back and he said it’s might be my uterus being pushed back there by the baby. I also wailed to him about my weight, but he said it’s all about how you carry. He told me his wife gained 55 pounds and lost it all. (I’ve seen her, he’s not lying to me.) I spoke to my sister this week and I suppose it really is all hereditary because it sounds like my pregnancy is similar to hers. The swelling, quick weight gain, bloating. I told her how much I had gained thus far and she said, “Only? Oh, that’s not bad.” Now I fear I’ll catch up to her in the last trimester!

A Little Too Soon?

My mother-in-law has a habit of cornering me and giving me unsolicited advice about the baby. She likes to reference her one friend’s daughter-in-law who just had a child even though I have a sister with three children, a brother with two, and a large circle of friends with babies born within the past year.

For example, “So-and-so said this book is really good.” Uh-huh, sure, except it looks like it’s from 1970.

So, I think the advice I get from these people are a little more helpful than the one person she knows.

Yesterday, the baby had been sticking his foot in my right side again, so I was rubbing that area and trying to poke him back to place. My mother-in-law told me to “stop bothering him”! It’s my son, dammit, I can do what I want!

Then she asked me if we had purchased a crib yet. I said no, but I thought we might get one from Wal-Mart or Target. She told me that the one friend had a nice crib and she really liked it. I said, “That’s fine, but we’re different.” She said, “Maybe you should spent a little more on a crib.” I told her $200 or $500 didn’t make a difference as long as the crib passed safety standards. She said, “Well, aren’t you going to have a second child? Don’t you want one another one?”

The first one hasn’t even arrived yet and she’s talking about a second one?!

So’s Your Face

Dear General Public,

Yes, Know-it-all Parents, I understand that you think you have so much more knowledge because you have a child or two. But realize, we are different people.

Don’t tell me that just because you did this when you were pregnant, so I should be able to also. Maybe I just don’t want to. Don’t tell me how easy I have it now that the baby’s inside of me. You were pregnant once. You remember how shocking it was to the system? Pregnancies are never easy, so don’t downplay it. And, please, don’t tell me your labor horror stories, or how your pregnancy was with each of your children — right down to what kind of poop they had. I don’t care. I’ve heard hundreds of your stories like yours — what makes you think I want to hear one more? This is why people sell and read books with these stories.

I have no delusions of being a parent. I understand the long days and nights, the sleep deprivation, the upheaval, and that life will change. Please don’t remind me in that patronizing way. It’s not like I’ve never been around babies. I have spent many a days taking care of nephews and nieces — this is probably why it took me so long to start my own family. No matter how much warning you give me, it all goes out the window when it’s real time because I will have to figure out how to deal my way with my baby. Just like pregnancies, all babies are different.

And, if you’re a man, don’t lecture me on making preparations about going back to work. I said I’ll see how I feel. Maybe I’ll want to get away a few times a week from the kid. Maybe I’ll be so torn, I won’t be able to go back. I can’t say right now. So don’t tell me to think carefully and plan it all because you know better than I do, that you can’t always plan your life. Don’t tell me that if I choose to stay home or work part-time, I’ll never be able to go back to work full-time. Maybe that’s your wife. But you don’t know me or how I’ll feel.

To the loser last night at the cafe who wouldn’t move his fat ass from his chair, so I could get out of the restroom even though your friend kept saying, “She’s pregnant.” and I said to you, “I’m pregnant, I think I’ll need more room than that.” — you’re lucky that I was so appalled by your behavior that it didn’t occur to me until later that I should have yelled at you like a banshee and punched you in the face.

And don’t tell me how big I look when you’ve never had a child. And if you’ve had one, you know better than to say that to a pregnant woman.

Twenty-Six Weeks

The coworker who is obsessed with my weight asked me the other day how much weight I had gained. I told her I didn’t think that was a question to ask any pregnant person. Then she asked, “Are you overweight? Did your doctor tell you if you have gained too much?” What kind of question is that? I told her my doctor didn’t seem concerned and it was none of her business. (Yes, I work with a lot of strange people. But that’s a total other blog to start.)

So far, I’m still feeling pretty good although I was very tired on Saturday, which I now attribute to lack of water. We went to Ikea to look at cribs and I promptly fell asleep in the car on the way home (like our baby will soon) and napped for the entire afternoon. I could tell that I hadn’t had enough water because I could barely take off my wedding band.

Sleep has never been the same since I found out I was pregnant as I was suddenly struck with insomnia, waking up every two hours and also having to pee. Well, now the new problem is that if I want to change sides to sleep on, it’s a major chore. I can’t just flip over like I used to. I actually have to hoist my body up and move over, then get comfortable, and try to fall back asleep (which is hard when there’s a snoring hub beside me). Sometimes I’ll get very sore on one side and refuse to flip over until it’s unbearable. I guess this doesn’t help with the aches and pains.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have sciatica — although I’ve heard it thrown around to explain back pain for pregnant women. I used to get sciatica pre-pregnancy from running and this feels different. It happens when I bend forward, such as to pick up something. The left part of my buttock near my spine just really hurts. It’s not a shooting pain, but more like a long ache. (This must be what it feels like to be really old.) I haven’t figured out what causes it and what I can do to make it better other than getting the hub to massage it.